sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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