This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
