She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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