awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
