I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
