Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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