I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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