i think my tv is drunk
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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