He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
