Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
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Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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