Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
