I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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