put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
