i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
