Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Porn is love you can see.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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