I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize