My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize