Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize