i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
