things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
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