True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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