I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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