Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
