how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
