is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
