He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
