How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize