I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
