Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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