Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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