so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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