You really coming over, don't trick.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
