If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
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I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
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I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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