I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
