I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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