please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
