RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
