i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
