so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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