I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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