I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize