12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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