Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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