My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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