I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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