My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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