We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
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After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
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He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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