I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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