I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
they need to just BURY HIM!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
