sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
