Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
