I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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