I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
