I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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