Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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