Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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