my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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