He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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