my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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