I want to walk on stilts...naked
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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